Total Eclipse of the Heart

I thought a lot about writing this post or not! I thought this was so unlike the easy going and happy vibes this blog is all about and that I don’t need to bother my readers with my problems! 

Still I just can’t keep on going here as if nothing ever happened! 

Because this is also my life and unfortunately it's not always about pretty clothes, good times and parties!

These past two weeks were the saddest in my entire life! My grandfather passed away and even if I was somehow ready for it because he had been sick for a while it was heartbreaking!

He meant everything to me and I will always love him with all my heart! I can’t honestly imagine my childhood without him watching over me and my sister and most of my happy memories include him!

He was always there and I prayed he would live forever! He didn’t and it’s hard to breathe every time I remember I will never see him light up every time we’d go visit, that I will never be able to hug him and talk to him.

I just hope he can rest in peace after so much suffering and he can see how loved he was and how much he will be missed. 

I want to believe I can be at least half as amazing as he, one of my heroes, was! 

And then, when I thought nothing can’t hurt as bad, one of my childhood friends back home died as well. He was so young; I’m actually still hoping this news is a horrible nightmare. I don't want to accept the immensity of this loss!

I had a dream childhood spent at my grandparents’ house in the country side full of friends my age and adventures many of the nowadays kids only read in books.

He was one of the friends I played with so many times as a child and spoke with as a teenager and I can’t believe life has been so unfair with him! I have no words to express the sorrow I fell for him, his sister and family. I wish I could do something for them, something to ease their suffering!

I can’t believe life can go on without him in the world! It feels like life should stop and the world should come to an end! 

I feel so guilty for being able to do the things I always did, smile and hope for better days!

I’m absolutely stunned this happened; I regret not talking to him for so long – I never imagined this could ever happen – I thought we had all the time in the world to share stories and laugh as we did so many summers. All the memories he left behind are just not enough!
I hope Adi knows how much he meant for all of us and how much it hurts now! It always will, really! 

And the fact that I will live and laugh and try to be as happy as possible and do as many wonderful things as I can doesn’t mean I won’t be thinking about them forever! 

Nothing will ever be the same again!